one more uphill climb.....

I finally got to the downside of the hill and now another one is ahead of me......

Lord, make this one a small one.... I can't handle much more - I am tired!!! 

I went to an eye doctor today for an exam.......

yeah - a 40-something-year-old does not have the same 
visual acuity that a youngin' has.  

That is what I wish I could blame this on....... 

After a thorough exam, peripheral field test, and color blind test  = two red flags were raised to the doctor.  He is concerned that either the tumor, the craniotomy (brain surgery), and/or radiation to my brain may have caused damage to my vision which is called 

"radiation retinopathy" or "radiation/compression effects".  


He would not speculate on the extent of damage or treatment so he is sending me to a specialist at USF for further examination. 

My appointment is in two weeks.  


I am praying that what he saw in the back of both eyes is just inflammation from the radiation and it will ease up in a few weeks!  

The specialist he referred me to was also recommended by my radiation oncologist weeks ago when I had a dizzy spell/double vision spell after radiation one day.  So - that tells me that this specialist is top notch.  

I was also told that I have early cataracts in both eyes.  Like seriously?!?!?  

The weakness inside of me makes me feel like I want to just go 
hide under the covers and cry!  

When you are emotionally tired - it is hard, but yet I am reminded......

there are so many others who have it worse. 

The SED warrior inside of me  - well, lets just say she is sleeping....
resting up for this next hill.  

She will show up soon and jog up this hill just like she did the last one!!! 

  

I have an alternative to my bald head = wigs and extensions

I have an alternative to my damaged eyesight = glasses 

Most people do not have alternatives so who am I to complain!!!  

In this video he starts off in a valley of perfect green grass, the sky is pink and yellow, the birds are flying.....then the storm comes - everything dries up.....he is then standing in a dried up, sandy, leafless wilderness and can't find his way out.  


As he is lead through the wilderness - he ends up in a dried up desert with tornadoes and dark black clouds all around him - totally subjected to the elements (yet protected at the same time - he just didn't realize it)..... 


He then has to climb up a steep hill to get to the edge.  
He almost loses his balance..... almost caught off guard...
Then he notices the gentle breeze.  the warmth of the sun, 
the green grass that covers the ground, the colorful flowers in the valley... 

COMPLETE PEACE, PURE JOY and RESTORATION!!
That is where I am headed!!!!!!  
(I think I even saw a smile on his face)


Did you notice the bird?  He was with him the whole time.... 
he lead him out of the darkness, through the storm and 
to a place he was free again.  
He saw the SIGN. 


One good thing about a cliff.....that is an ending point.... 
You have TWO options: 
You can walk down the cliff and roll in the fields of flowers and 
be grateful for the storm.  
OR 
You can deny the PROMISE and jump off the cliff.  
which most people do...... 
GIVE UP. 


I can't wait to walk down from the cliff and camp out underneath it - 
AFTER I shout "SUCK EGG DAWG" from standing on top of it!!! 

19 weeks since surgery to remove jack....

I am sorry for not posting for almost two weeks.  


Thanks for the continued prayers and thoughts sent my direction.  


When I look at the calendar - it is amazing to see that it has been 19 weeks since my surgery.  Where has the time gone?!?!?  It just seems that time has flown by.....4 and a half months..... (that is a month and a half closer to me being allowed to drive again.....still patiently waiting).  


Within the last few days....I can honestly say that I feel fantastic.  I still have fatigue at the end of the day and short-term memory loss.....but nothing compared to 18 weeks ago (12 weeks ago, 4 weeks ago...).  


I am 18 days out from radiation and I think that is what was preventing me from getting over the hump to feeling better.  It is still even hard for me to believe that I completed 30 doses of radiation.....I am amazed at how fast the days pass us by.  Here we are the end of February.....absolutely amazing.  Where did Christmas go?   

I have gone from looking like KidRock, to looking like a baboon.....and now I look like Jack Nicholson (with a mullet).

I can hear him now......"here's johnny!!" 

I am 50% bald-headed. The hair that I lost during/after radiation was much more than I expected.  I will spare you the sight of the picture of my bald head, but trust me..... it is NOT purdy!!  not.at.all! 

I have enjoyed wig shopping and already have two.

A third one is on its way from Hong Kong.  

I have become quite the expert in wigs...... 

I had no idea they are so popular. 

There are so many women today who are wearing wigs instead 

of spending so much time with their daily hair routine.  

(guys....you have it so easy! wash, gel, brush and GO)

I used to spend an hour just on my hair when getting ready.

Now - I maybe spend 20 minutes max.  

I do miss my hair.....I know it will grow back. - one day!   

Here is one of my wigs...... 

blended with the length of my real hair that I still have in the back. 

I have joined the "faux" society

  

Which is another thing I can't wait to do... color and highlights, but I need to find something without all of the harmful chemicals.  If you stop to think about it - we put so many bad chemicals on our bodies every day from the fabric softener in our clothes to the nail polish on the tips of our toes. 

speaking of nail polish..... I need a manicure.   

  

I am going to my hair stylist this week.  

I told her that I only needed half a haircut and that it would take 

half the time..... 

so that should be half-price - right?!?

I have a four week follow up with my neurologist on Thursday.  He reduced my anti-seizure medication last time I saw him.  I have hope that he will start tapering me off of the medication.  

(i want laughter (and the ocean) to be my only medication!)

I have a comparison MRI on May 14th to see what happened to "jack" after getting zapped with the abolishing beams.  He better be gone because I think we all told him that he needed to hit the road!!  

Until then my friends and family..... I will continue to get stronger and put the emotional side effects to the wayside as I walk (jog!!) 

on up the road to complete well-being.

speaking of walking.....I need to exercise.

Getting close to my favorite time of year...... 

BASEBALL!  

GO RAYS!!!! 

SED y'all.  Love ya....keep you posted.  

Mission Abolish = COMPLETE!!!

WHAT A GOOD FEELING IT IS!!!  

SIX WEEKS of radiation = DONE!!!  

SUCKEGGDAWG 

I just had to wear my Pena jersey on my last day. 

Now I will wait for the MRI (which I am now being told that it will be in 3 to 6 months) to be performed so that we can see that "jack" will no longer be a threat to me!  


Now I will wait for my energy to return and the fatigue to end once the radiated brain cells quit cooking! 


Now I will wait for my hair to grow back and be thicker/fuller than it was before! 


Now I will wait for permission to drive again since I have been and will be seizure free! 


Thanks for your uplifting encouragement along the way and all that you have done to help me stay positive.  

Patiently waiting, 

TWO more to go......

Only two more radiation treatments left to abolish "jack".  

When I walk out of there on Friday - it is going to be an emotional victory!!  

When I reflect back on the last six weeks of radiation - the daily trips to Moffitt, the fear of being confined to the table by the mask on my face (head), the nightly pains and fatigue (so much so that I don't have the energy to eat or talk) and most of all the hair that has been shed......will all be put behind me.

I am one step closer to being tumor-free!!  

Praise God!! 

The hair will grow back, the pains and fatigue will subside and to know that I will never have to wear that mask again.....I am thankful!  Hopefully, the emotional roller coaster will slow down and let this rider off.....this is a ride I never want to be on again.

I have been too tired to make the quilts for the two radiation techs, but I will make them as soon as I can and go back for a visit one day so I can check in with them to say hello.  They have been so caring during my ordeal.  I know that they are just doing their jobs, but they are encouraging and I look forward to our talks every morning.


suckeggdawg y'all.  two more - I just can't believe it.

25 down.....FIVE more to go

One more week of radiation for me......so thankful I am almost done. It has been easier than I thought, but I still have not overcome the suffocating mask. 


I saw my neurologist on Thursday. My neurologist was pleased with my progress and lowered my dosage of Keppra. Still not allowed to drive though. He wants to be sure the tumor is gone.......praying it is!!! I will have a MRI and CT scan in 7 weeks to see what happened to "jack".


I have lost about 50% of my hair. It is not falling out as much now so I hope what I have lost is it. Wig shopping will be fun. 


I want to do something for the two radiation techs who have been so caring for me. I bought some material to make them each a quilt hoping that I show my gratitude for them. Looking forward to starting them this weekend. 


Meningioma sisters......this is an emotional roller coaster we are on. All we can do is hold on tight and go with the flow. 




The final countdown is on.......Mission Abolish will soon be accomplished. Couldn't have made it without the kind support of friends and family. 


Love y'all. 
Can you say suckeggdawg.......I am!!

abolishing beam #21 TODAY = 9 more!!

Received dose #20 yesterday (Monday).......for the first time - I freaked out with the mask on.  Why now?!?!?  Why after 19 times of wearing the mask and then all of a sudden....... after my head was locked down and the techs left the room to do x-rays - I felt an overwhelming sense of nausea..... like OMGosh - nausea!!  I waved my hands (I am monitored by 4 different cameras) - the techs rushed in and took the mask off.  Well - after one more attempt (mask on, x-rays taken to assure the tumor is lined up with the beams and table moved into position) - ready to go...... a wave of nausea hit me again.....

I was scheduled to see the radiation oncologist anyways so they wanted me to see him before attempting the treatment again to see what could be causing the nausea. Come to find out - not only is my nausea associated with the nasty anti-seizure medicine, but we believe the nausea feeling was triggered by anxiety....which made matters worse.

For the last few treatments - I have not been taking the "relax" medication.....I do not want to be on medication.  I wanted to overcome the mask and show it who was boss.  Well my attempt of that FAILED.  I take that back..... I have come too far to let this allow me to feel defeated.

I was given something to help me relax and then #20 was administered successfully - YEAH!!!
I guess I forgot to wear my big girl panties yesterday!!!

Only 9 more times of wearing the suffocating mask and I will be DONE!!  

::suckeggdawg::

My hair continues to fall out on a daily basis.  A wad here - a clump there.  So for now - I am going to just buy a hat in every color and keep what little hair I have left - in a ponytail. I can still braid it, but the braid is getting thinner and thinner.  Thank God I had so much thick hair to begin with.

Picture taken this morning..... 

I was told I would only lose hair at the site of treatment which would be about the size of a quarter...... NOT! 

If I could wear my Rays hat every day - I would.  I wore a FSU hat on Monday (although it is lime green and white) ....... ignited a few comments (good and bad).

Today - I will wear my pink #24 (Jeff Gordon) hat and see what kind of comments that ignites.

EDIT:  Can't find my #24 hat..... 
today is RAYS attire all the way!  Let see what anyone has to say about our Rays!!!  

I see my neurologist on Thursday with hopes that he will start tapering me off of the anti-seizure medicine.....

Until then.... I will smile and take one day at a time....and try again tomorrow (today)
and the next, the next, the next.....

SED y'all......

19 down = 11 to go!! yahoo....

"jack" received dose # one niner today!  

only 11 more to go!  

somebody say SUCKEGGDAWGGG

so while i am blogging this journey - that includes taking pictures ya know.  i took some pictures of the back of my head last friday because i could not believe how well my hair was growing back in...... even though it is not my choice of color (they say it comes in gray no matter the age so don't be judging!!) .... i was thankful for the growth knowing that one day it would meet my hairstylist.....

WELL..........

saturday morning - 
90% of the hair that i was thankful for the day before - 
fell out by the handfuls.... 

it did not take me by surprise since i was prepared that 
radiation causes your hair to fall out (to some degree).  

friday on the left ~ saturday on the right
there is even more baldness today (thursday)

i have to admit though - it did set me back emotionally....

yes, i cried for the few moments that i sat 
by myself with clumps of hair in my lap.  
i could only think....now i seriously look like the "backside" of a baboon!!  

my hair has continued to fall out the last few days.  

even my long hair (front, sides and back) and is thinning....  

i can still pull it back in a ponytail and you would never know of this 
bald spot I speak of..... but how boring is that.  

now momma really does need a weave.  

y'all just wait and see what i come up with..... 

seriously - someone call kenny and tell him that i have changed the title 
to one of his songs from 

"no shoes, no shirt, no problems" 
to
"no shoes, no hair, no problems" !! 

while waiting in the large room to be called back for treatment - 
you get to know one another after a while.  
i met a dear lady, Linda, 
battling a very rare form of cancer. today was her last day of radiation.  
she walked out with a huge smile on her face and a tear in her eye. 
i just wanted to cry for her.  
her husband, daughter and son-in-law were there with her to support her.  
we exchanged contact info and i hope to keep in touch with her.  
she lives two hours away - we talked about meeting half way 
somewhere for lunch one day. 


i gave her family a big hug before they left and i pray that 
they will stay positive and be full of strength. 
she has to beat this - i just know she will!!!  

i need a road trip.....looking forward to april so i can be mobile again. 


i do have a confession..... i did drive two times the other day (to radiation treatment and then to the store) and wouldn't you know that i got busted both times...... no - not by law enforcement but even worse..... my neighbors the first time and then by randy and bill the second time (all three of us were at the same intersection at the same time - seriously - i did not see them, but they saw me) ..... i promise not to do it again, but i had no choice.  oh but boy did it feel good to be free. 


it is so frustrating being fully capable to drive and just because of a doctor's restriction due to ONE seizure.....i can't drive for six months.  come on april!!  

just amazed at how many of you care enough to still check on me, 

message me, text me, call me.... to see how i am doing.

How are YOU doing?? 

SED y'all!!!  doing good and carrying on.....   :o)

Beam # 15 today = half way with treatment = "S.E.D."

suckeggdawg.....today is abolishing beam number One Five = the half way point of radiation treatment for "Jack" who does not stand a chance against what is being done to "it".  


The top of my head has a definite sun-burned feeling (I wish I could say it was from being at the beach...). My hair is still falling out, but its all good. What has grown back in the last 13 weeks - sticks straight up.  Thinking I should just go for a mohawk at this point.....just in time for Rays season.  

I am in desperate need of a cut, color, highlights and some extensions......

never thought I would be so high maintenance..... 

I have really bad fatigue at the end of the day - like bone hurting fatigue.  I still think it is from the anti-seizure medicine.  The radiation oncologist wants me to see the neurologist sooner to see about starting to taper the dose ASAP.  

Still dealing with the emotional/physical aspects of all of this but......

I have to remind myself - Today is a NEW day......relying on my faith. 

My thoughts and prayers are with 

Poppa Jack, Steve, Ann, Sandi and 
EVERYONE included in the family. 

Rest in Peace Patty Fortner! 
There are so many who will miss you.....

Dedicated to Patty Fortner...... 

11 down = 19 to go!

abolishing beam #11 was administered today.  4 more and I will be half way done with treatment.  


a very special friend, Dee, took me to my treatment today. she is always offering to help me so i "let" her today - as she calls it.  as i've said before - i am not one to ask for help even in a time of need.  i am so thankful for Dee as she was there for me at another very important time in my life 21 years ago! we lost touch over the years....i wish there was a way to go back and recover the lost years. she is always such a joy to be around and i have so missed spending time with her. 

circa 1990

my dizziness is gone - thank God. i did not take the steroid that was prescribed..... do you ever read the little note from the pharmacy that is attached to the bottle?? - well you should....... after reading this one - the first possible side effect mentioned was "feeling of whirling motion"....ummmm. no thanks.  why would i want to make it worse?? 


had the weekly meeting with the radiation oncologist and nurse. things are going according to plan.  he was very nice and answered all of my questions (i am full of them!). 

let me ask all of you something......... 

who here can say that you have already met your 

annual insurance deductible for 2012?  

raise your hand......my hand is up.  

it is January 13th and I have already met my $10,000 deductible..... and that was easy.  One radiation abolishing beam costs $1,142.96 (yes, that is per treatment and that already includes the discount from the insurance company...Moffitt charges $2,198 per treatment to the insurance company!!)!!  crazy, huh!?!?  should be illegal.  who comes up with these charges??


one of these days - i am going to add up every single test, MRI, CT scan, hospital stay, surgery, anesthesia, doc visit, follow up, medications, etc to see what "jack" has inflicted financially. i would without a doubt say that this entire "jack" episode will be over $300,000 (+).  thankfully, insurance covers 100% after the deductible is met.  


all i know is how thankful i am for great insurance.    


thankful for a lot of things...... not always the best at showing it.  


enjoy your weekend.  i am going to try to figure out what to do with my hair this weekend  - momma needs a weave or something.  a friend sent me some pics of short-hair cuts, but my face is too fat for short hair so i need to be creative.  although - i could just walk around with a baboon bedhead and not care about it.  oh well..... 

Love me some Wynonna.  
This song just touches my core.....
she said her momma told her
"honey, let them see the brokenness, 
let them see the cracks in your armour - 
that is how the light gets out"
how true.....  

suckeggdawg y'all.

9 abolishing beams down = 21 to go

I am just now starting to slightly feel the effects of the radiation......scalp feels burned (only in the spot where the tumor is (WAS!!!) since that is the area being targeted), fatigue, and my hair is starting to fall out a little.....  we pass this wig shop on the way to Moffit every morning..... Wigs, Wigs, & More Wigs.... think I may stop in and see if they carry anything my style.  Any recommendations?


I still see half-KidRock half-baboon when I look in the mirror....but now - I look like something out of A Flock of Seagulls (from the 80s).


A co-worker asked me if  the radiation has started to shrink the tumor already.  This is something that we will not know until 3 to 6 months after radiation treatment is finished.  They will do a MRI to see what the difference is by comparing the images to all of my prior MRIs.  I will be believing that "Jack" will be a "LGH" =  (Long Gone Honky as my mom used to say) and something for me to never worry about again.


I woke up extremely dizzy this morning - like room-spinning dizzy.  Doc put me on a steroid pak to see if this helps.....he said that the radiation would not cause this feeling.  I think the dizziness is from the anti-seizure medication which is just ONE more reason for me to go off of it.  I am not going to have another seizure.  I see my neurologist in the morning before treatment #10 so I will hopefully know more then.


The radiation techs play a CD for me during my treatments.  The song below is always one of the songs playing and it has always been one of my favorites.  I sail off to the beach during my treatments to get my mind off of the suffocating mask.

I love the part of the song...."soon i will be free"....

               

God's evening canvas..... the canvas CAN do miracles!
Clearwater Beach - summer 2011
Come on summer 2012!!

Just wanted to touch base.  
Thanks for the texts, messages and most of all - the prayers.
suckeggdawg y'all.

12 weeks past and # 7abolishing beam today

This past Saturday was the 12 week (3 months!!) point since my seizure.  No seizure activity since - can I get a  big hallelujah!!  It seems it has been ages since all of this happened.

I have not done a good job of taking one day at a time...... they all seem to catch up to me at one time and then I just break down.  Battling with the depression/emotional side effects from the medication and it is unbearable.  I hate that part of it.....it almost makes you feel defeated, jaded, damaged, burdened, unloved/unlovable....well it does make you feel that way, but I have to push through it.

PUSH = Pray Until Something Happens.....

Today will be treatment # 7 of the abolishing beam. 23 to go!   It is getting a little easier wearing the mask.  Randy (my brother) got to see it on Friday when he took me to Moffitt.  They showed him how everything works.  It is absolutely amazing.

I had some headaches and dizziness over the weekend, but not today - thank God.  I woke up headache free this morning.  I was told that the radiation can cause your brain to swell and that could be what is causing the headaches - especially since I am starting week 2 (that is when the side effects start).

We had the honey cart this weekend at the Wiregrass Farmers Market.  I met a lady who stopped by to purchase bee pollen.  She had brain surgery back in May 2011 for an aneurysm.  We basically had the same surgery (craniotomy). She has been taking bee pollen (instead of the medication.....because of all of the side effects she was experiencing from the medication) and has an incredible testimony. This lady looked fantastic!!!!  I wished I would have had more time to talk to her.  The bee pollen has helped her hair grow back and she feels wonderful.  We tell hundreds of people about the benefits of bee pollen when we are at the market.....why didn't I think of taking it before now?!?!?..... dummy me.  I am starting it today...... if you want more info - let me know.  I can hook you up with honey and bee pollen - it is local and RAW!!!  yummy-yummy.

Washed another load of laundry yesterday..... with nothing in the washer.  

I wondered why the washer was so quiet...... oh well.  

I tried to be productive......

I named the tumor Jack and this is a song just for him...... 

(I take no ownership over this tumor because it will be gone soon!!!)

suckeggdawg.......

3 treatments down = 26 to go

Today is #4.


Radiation is going good.... I am tolerating the mask for the most part (better than I thought).


I did not have to have treatment on Monday since the radiation dept. was closed for New Years.  That gave me a day off.  My treatment on Tuesday lasted a bit longer than expected....... the techs could not get my mask lined up.  Josh took me to my appt. so he was able to go in and see the machine and the mask.  He had to leave the room before they started the x-rays/abolishing radiation beams.  


They put the mask on my face (have I mentioned that it is locked to the table.....) and then they do an x-ray to make sure that my head is aligned for the laser beams to abolish the tumor.  It has to be within 1mm....... well - they tried about 5 different times yesterday and could not get my head to line up.


The radiation oncologist was called and would you know that once he walked in.....the mask lined up..... isn't that always the case.


I would say that I was in the mask for a good 45 minutes..... and it should have only been 15 to 20 minutes. I did rather well considering.


Other than being tired from the radiation - I will start to feel the effects of it within two weeks......if I feel any at all......hoping I don't.  My hair that was shaved off for the craniotomy is now over an inch long (or more) and I risk losing that.  I have read that your hair just starts falling out in clumps. Oh well.....there are worse things.  Hair will grow back eventually.  I am in dire need of some color and highlights.  I have to wait though.  I miss my hairdresser.

Flowers to brighten OUR day: 

makes any girl just SMILE  :o) 

suckeggdawggggg......

Right about now - 
this is what the tumor is 
singing to ME.... 

Hope everyone is doing well.  
I am trucking along with 

this abolishing act.
No worries my friends and family.

Love to all,

11 weeks since surgery

Today is the 11-week mark since my unexpected craniotomy to remove an unexpected brain tumor - a big thing called a "meningioma"....after having an unexpected seizure.  Funny - I keep saying unexpected.....who ever "expects" bad things to happen?!?!?  If we did - wouldn't we act different, live different, be different?!?!? Think about it.  It is moments like this that make you take a few steps back and reanalyze things......there are big things in life and little things in life.  what matters most?  learning to make the most of each day.......day by day

I have learned that this type of brain tumor is one that worries neurologists/neurosurgeons the most.....they are so unpredictable.  Yes, mine is benign - thank the Lord and I am so thankful.....but it still comes with the emotional baggage of a malignancy.  In due time - this too shall pass and I so can't wait for that day.

I started radiation last week.  Today will be treatment #3.  That will be 3 down = 27 to go.  I still have not had a chance to talk to the radiation oncologist to see why he changed my treatment plan (from 5 doses to 30 doses).  It is what it is......but I would like to know - just my curious self being me - curious.


I have been feeling ok.  Still side effects from the medication.  A few side effects from the radiation as well.


Christmas was very nice this year.  Christmas Eve dinner was crab boil (crab legs, shrimp, smoked sausage, potatoes, corn on the cob and Old Bay seasoning) washed down with root beer floats afterwards. It was different, but all enjoyed and were happy.


                  

Josh had to work Christmas Day so the usual tradition of early morning gift extravaganza was on Christmas Eve.  My in-laws were here and they were such a tremendous help.

Happy New Year.  

It is so hard to believe that is is twenty-twelve.  Where does time go?  Looking forward to a healthy year.

This is my motto today.........

:o) suckeggdawg.......

Day # 2....SuckEggDawg

Day #1 went as well as to be expected.  While waiting in the room with all of the other patients waiting for their treatment - you can't help but wonder:

"Why is she here" 

"I wonder what is wrong with him"

"That person looks so young"

It is so sad in the radiation dept at Moffitt.  I am sure the other patients are looking at me with the same inquisitive thoughts.  I wear a knitted hat that I made as to cover my horseshoe-shaped scar and my baboon looking stand straight-up hair.  Although I have a braided ponytail to one side.....according to them - they think I have all of my hair.  What could be wrong with her? - I am sure they wonder as I made eye contact with all of them.

A nice lady from a volunteer group at the hospital brought me a nice gift bag with some literature about the program and what they do.  In the bag was a beautiful teal blanket with the Moffitt logo.  Such a nice, thoughtful gesture.  The blanket is beautiful  - sweatshirt material on the top and fleece on the bottom.  (just the right weight too - I like heavy blankets).  I love Moffitt and I know that I am in good hands there!!

When my name was called - I stood up with strength and said to myself  "ok girl - lets do this". The two radiation techs were just as sweet as they could be.  We discussed my extreme claustrophobia and they definitely comforted me in saying that it was all going to be ok and gave me a few other pointers to do.

I laid on the table and once they placed the mask on me.....it felt A LOT tighter than the day that it was made.  After about 10 seconds - I made them take it off.  It was pressing my mouth and nose down as if I was wearing pantyhose over my head...... it was suffocating!!

I wore one of my mom's rings so she was there with me.....

After a few deep breaths and some further comforting words from the two techs - a moment of strength rose up in me and I was ready........ the mask went back on, locked in place on the table and the treatment started.  Although they were not in the room with me (not that would have made any difference  - I was being watched by a camera.  They had to take a few x-rays to make sure that the 3-D receptors on the mask and the cross points were lined up for the radiation beams.  The beam cross points can not even be off 0.1mm!!

After the radiation oncologist reviewed the x-rays - the abolishing beams started.  You can't feel the beams. You can only hear them.  Just sounds like static.....like a buzzing light bulb or that electric circle thingamagig at MOSI for static electricity.

I was doing good..... they would talk to me along the way.  I was doing slow deep breathing and concentrating on relaxing every muscle.  All of your words of encouragement, scripture that has been given, and repeating SuckEggDawg a few times helped.....  I did not even think about the mask on my face.  I just pictured myself standing up against a screen door with my face pressed tightly to it  :o)

The procedure took about 20 minutes, but the treatments after today will not take as long.

As a celebratory snack - Mark took me to DQ for a small blizzard = Georgia Mud Fudge.  It was awesome - even on a cold day like yesterday.

I do have a slight headache that I went to bed with and woke up with.....I guess that is normal since the brain swells after being hit with radiation.  If it gets too bad - I will let the doctor know. Other than that - no complaints whatsoever.

Day #2 is today.  I marked my days on the calendar and I should be completed by February 9th.

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and support!!!

Abolishing act in progress.  I hope to report 2 months from now that I am tumor free and will never have to spend another day worrying about this thing.

SuckEggDawg y'all.  Love ya!!!

Day # 1 of radiation = SuckEggDawg....

DAY #1 of radiation at Moffitt today......


I woke up this morning with a peace that passes all understanding......I just hope it follows me in the treatment room and that is with me when my head is locked to the table while wearing the suffocating mask.  I think I shall name this mask.....too early for a name to come to mind this morning. I am sure after today's treatment - I will have an appropriate name for the mask!  Maybe I will name it SuckEggDawg.  That will give a whole new meaning to SuckEggDawg.  ???  

For those of you who don't know the history of SuckEggDawg - this was a term used daily between my mom and her best friend, Carol.  "SED" could mean OMG, holy crap, oh no, no way!, get out of here, I can't believe this, whooowhooo, 
hip-hip-horray.......you get the picture.  

It is a southern term that can also be used as a victory chuckle or as a cheer.

(say it..... it just makes you feel better! say it.... louder!! louder!! )

see - you feel better already, huh!?!?  

I received a somewhat bothersome phone call from the radiation oncologist's nurse on Wednesday.  She called to inform me that my treatment regimen has changed.....((heart sink to toes))


I was informed that instead of only requiring FIVE one day doses of the abolishing laser beams - the doctors determined after reviewing my 3-D MRI and simulation CT scans - that I need to continue with SIX WEEKS WORTH OF ABOLISHING LASER BEAMS!  That is 30 one day doses instead of 5!  I will be done February 9th!!  


From what I understand - the doctors were not impressed with the shape, size and location of the residual tumor.


I was also told that the tumor was VERY close to the part of my brain that controls motor skills.  My face and tongue had been going numb for a few years now and once again - I did not relate that to my list of symptoms to help with the diagnosis.  If I had not had the seizure 10 weeks ago - this brain tumor would have remained its happy little self just continued to grow, grow, grow.   The neurosurgeon was able to remove as much as he could without damaging the major vein that the tumor is wrapped around (like a corn dog).

I pray that the side effects are minimal....fatigue, tiredness, sore throat (I already have all of these daily), hairloss, burned/irritated skin.


Nothing to worry about - My wish is that this tumor is abolished for us to never have to deal with again!

Suck Egg Dawg - Lets do this......see ya brain tumor.  Suck Egg Dawg!!!!

Brain Tumor - this song is dedicated to you and 

the radiation that you will be HIT with today!