One month today...

It has been one month today (four Tuesdays ago) since my craniotomy to remove the ugly meningioma from the surface of my brain.  The month has gone by so fast.

Again - time stops for no one, but that is a good thing because with each passing day - I am one day closer to being back to normal (my new normal). I hope to come out of this a different person....a person full of patience, grace, forgiveness, kindness, love, joy, goodness, gentleness, self-control.......

I think the reality of all of this has finally set in, but I am reminded that the outcome could have been so much worse.  I am thankful that the tumor is benign and that there were no complications with the procedure.  I was standing in the shower the other day and it just hit me out of no where..... I broke down and just wanted the water to wash away every remaining cell of the tumor that is wrapped around the vein.  I don't want to have to deal with this again in January.

I was asked the other day about how this experience at the age of 41 and knowing what my mom went through when she was 41 (she was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 39 and passed away two days after her 41st birthday) affected me .......it does.  Have I thought about it?  Oh yeah. Did I think about it while I was in the hospital going into surgery? Oh yeah.  I know she was with me...... I know she was!

she had to send the fly to make sure everything  was done RIGHT!!  LOL! 

I try to take it one day at a time....but that is hard.  I am trying to learn a lesson from all of this as I know that there is a silver lining somewhere in this cloud of darkness.  

Until then - I will keep my chin up, put on my big girl panties, expect that there are going to be moments of weakness, deal with the daily tremors & memory loss  - and just wait for this to pass.  There are so many other people who have it worse.  I don't even feel like I have a right to complain or struggle with this.....

I am not a drama queen and I am definitely not one that likes to draw attention to myself.  I do not blog for attention. I actually feel better after I blog.  Not only is it conditioning for my brain function, but therapeutic from an emotional standpoint as well.   In my online research of brain tumor support groups and brain tumor awareness in general - I am baffled at the lack of groups available on the internet. I hope to change this.

I am thankful for the support of family and friends.  Mark, Jake and Josh have had to deal with the brunt of my infirmity and I am grateful.