ready or not.....

I had an appointment with my primary doctor this morning.  With much hesitation, he gave me the clearance to return to work......tomorrow!!  He highly advised that a high stress level can/will/may induce a seizure...yikes.

I am looking forward to returning to my daily routine with work.  I have missed it......the structure, the routine, the communication, the multi-tasking, my team.  I know that it will be good for my brain function and cognitive process to get back into the swing of things.  The side effects of the medication will just have to take a backseat!!  I have a job to perform and a company that depends on me.  (I am a medical transcriptionist/dept. manager.  I manage a department of 24 other medical transcriptionists who work from the convenience of their comfy home.)     


I am blessed to be able to perform my duties remotely from home as well.  Yes.... I am chained to my computer, e-mail and cell phone from early morning until late evening.  I also have a household with two young men - who by the way are gaining independence by the day (at least they think they are.....can they do laundry?  no, but Josh can cook some mean curry ramen noodles!! they will always need momma - I hope!) -  who depend on me as well (I do a terrible job of keeping up with everything)....so I will have to set my priorities and boundaries that is for sure.  Work consumed the best part of me prior to my seizure/discovery of the brain tumor. 


I am so thankful for the two transcriptionists, Angie and Jessica, who covered for me while I was out this past six weeks.  They did an outstanding job!  


I do value my health that is for sure.....especially after what I have experienced.  I have learned to take things slowly.  

I have been knitting hats for myself the last few days....since my hair on top is starting to poke out of the top of my ponytail.  I looked in the mirror this morning and ohmyword.....I swear I looked just like Kid Rock!! (minus the facial hair!)   seriously......


I will have to wait to see if I have to have radiation before I can color, highlight or even get extensions......ugh. Thank God for bandanas, knitted hats, eyeliner, mascara and LIP GLOSS so I can look less like Kid Rock! 





Until next time...... 

Six weeks post-op... WOW

So.... it has been six weeks since my unexpected craniotomy for a benign meningioma.  I can't say if it feels like just yesterday or if it feels like it has been six years!?!?!?  Since I take one day at a time now - it does seem like forever actually.  


I am feeling better physically, although - I can honestly say that if it were not for the stupid, awful, life altering side effects from the anti-seizure medication = I WOULD FEEL WONDERFUL!  


!!!WARNING!!! GRIPE FEST AHEAD = I feel extremely tired all the time, no energy, my bones and joints hurt, constant sore throat, stay nauseated 24/7, super dizzy, the room spins out of control, ..... etc!  oh yeah - and I am an emotional basket case....smiling one minute - crying the next.   I have to concentrate on staying focused.  I forget words while I am talking.  I still do not sleep.  I have NO appetite whatsoever (which is a good thing because with this worry - I would eat chocolate all day long!!) ..... all because of the KEPPRA - and this is the one with the least side effects from this group of meds! 


Based on the forums that I have read from other brain tumor SURVIVORS - so many are dealing with the same issues....some worse than others.  


Dear Doc:  How long do I have to stay on this medicine?  Will you know if I stop taking it?!!!  How about we pretend I am taking it and if I have another seizure - so be it! I won't tell if you don't!  


OKAY,  ENOUGH WITH THE GRIPE FEST!........ sorry


I had an EEG (electrical wave brain scan) today at Moffitt.  I will not know the results until I go back December 19th.  I will see the neurosurgeon and the neurologist to discuss my progress and possible radiation therapy....I will know if the residual tumor has increased in size (praying it just decided to disappear!!!!! wouldn't that be a testimony!)




Thanks for your encouragement along the way.  
A dear friend recently told me - 
"THIS IS TEMPORARY!!"


Until then - I will fight through the tears of frustration and try to ignore the side effects.  

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!  So hard to believe that Christmas will be here soon!!  

First neurologist appt....5 weeks post op

I had my first neurologist appointment since my surgery today....it has been 5 weeks already!!

This was not with the on-call hospital assigned neurologist....yeah - the one who walked into my room for no more than 5 minutes at a time and generously billed $300+ per visit AND not the one who could not fit me in until December 19th....... I am not playing a game when it comes to my brain tumor.  Why/How should a patient who just had brain surgery wait to be seen for two months after surgery?!?!?  seriously.....um, no!

Anyways - I found a neurologist at Moffitt Cancer Center.  Moffitt is outstanding in every aspect - from the moment you drive onto the property to have your car parked by valet to the moment you check out from your appointment.  I am so at peace with being under the Moffitt healthcare covering now.

As I waited for my name to be called - I looked at all of the others around me.  Not many people being that it was only 7:30 in the morning.  You could tell that some of the people were really sick..... like cancer sick.  There was one lady in a wheelchair who obviously was under the treatment of chemotherapy.  It was sad, but the atmosphere was a happy one.  The staff is so nice and they know the patient's by their first name.

I realized - no matter what we look like on the outside - you never know what is going on on the inside.  No one knew I was there for a brain tumor.....no one knew I had a scar and a bald spot on the top of my head the size of a man's hand. No one knew I was shaking and having uncontrollable tremors on the inside.

I had my hair in a ponytail this morning, but as always - it was giving me a headache (they make my hair hurt.....).  I was in a place where if someone noticed my scar and bald-velcro crown head - it did not matter.  No one is judged there. When I go out in public - I am very self conscious about my scar and bald-velcro crown head showing - always asking - "can you see it" "can you see it"? ......At Moffitt - you can let it all hang out and not worry about it.... so I did!

Actually - once I was in the room with the neurologist - he could not even tell that I had a scar and a bald-velcro crown head until I flipped my hair over my face. He was like "oh - wow".

After discussing my symptoms and concerns - he left the room to view my MRIs and CT scans from the ER, and before/after the craniotomy.  Well..... I must have really downplayed my tumor size.  When he walked back into the room  - he said "you had a very large tumor young lady!"  He was shocked at the size that it was and said that it had to have been growing for a very long time.

I had a list for the neurologist a mile long of questions and concerns regarding why/what/when/how.  He took the time to answer me.......and I will have you know - even though I had a list..... I still forgot to ask him about a few of them.  That is ok.  I am still one who is washing a load of laundry without putting clothes in the washer or.... going to the closet that was my former pantry to get food.....yeah - well.....


He is a very serious doctor and I respect that.  I tried cutting up with him a few times and when I did not get a smile..... I knew he meant business.... that is a good thing.  I am here for a brain tumor - not to make a friend.  He had a very worn out, zip up, leather style doctors bag - you know the one that a house call doctor would carry.  As soon as I saw that - I knew he was an experienced neurologist.

Long story short -

• My anti-seizure medication was increased. ugh.... I was hoping I could stop taking it since it makes me feel so bad.....  He says that my tremors/shaking are from the residual tumor.  We can't take any chances on me having another seizure - especially since my superior sagittal sinus vein is occluded......look that one up. 
• I still can't drive for at least another 4 months....he said that we will wait and see.  
• The lump on the right side of my neck is probably drainage from my brain or lymphadenopathy from the Dilantin (which gave me a horrible, nasty skin reaction).  If the lump is not gone or has increased in size - he is going to order a soft tissue MRI.  
• He is sending me for an EEG (a brain test that measures electrical activity) to see if I have had any recent seizure activity.  
• He is sending me to a neurosurgeon at Moffitt for follow-up and to discuss radiation therapy.  
• I asked him when I could go back to work and all he said was "as tolerated"......ok....well then.  
• Not sure if my memory loss is temporary or if it will get better with time.  He said we have to wait and see..... ok.  
• He does not recommend physical therapy for my right-sided weakness. I guess I shall lace up the Rebooks and hit the pavement..... one mile at a time.  
• I am sure there is more........... anyways - I go back in four weeks.  My calendar is loaded with doctor visits, EEG, MRIs.... one day at a time Carm - one day at a time!!!  

All-in-all  = very happy with him so far.  LOVE Moffitt.  I was a volunteer there about 10 years ago..... LOVED it.  I need to "pay it back" so as soon as I am well enough to volunteer again - I am going to give my 4 hours a week.  If you have 4 extra hours in your week - volunteer at Moffitt.  I was in the infusion center with the chemotherapy patients.  I would make sure they were comfortable, give them a fresh warm blanket, a magazine, a cup of broth, a glass of juice or a book/magazine.....or just sit and talk.  I made friends with so many of those that I saw on a weekly basis.  We would laugh, cry and I would even just listen and hold their hand.  It was very rewarding.  

As always - thank you for all of the texts, phone calls, and messages today asking how my appt was.  I so appreciate your concern for my well being.  Thank you for your encouragement and kind words!! 

So blessed.....

As I mentioned in a previous post - I have been blessed beyond measure (more than I deserve!!)

• I mentioned the makeovers of my master bedroom and living room that were done while I was in the hospital.  What would have normally taken two weeks to do was completed in 3 1/2 days!  I love every detail that went into the makeover.  

• For the first week I was home after being discharged from the hospital - my in-laws stayed here to help with the household chores (laundry, cooking, cleaning) and grandparental duties of two teenage boys (um, excuse me - young men) - things I was not quite capable of just yet (still don't feel capable, but you gotta do whatcha gotta do!)  

• My generous neighbors prepared meals for us.  We did not even have to think about cooking for almost two weeks.  Jenni coordinated who, what, when.  Her hard work and caring attitude is so appreciated.  It is so nice to live in a neighborhood where every one looks out for each other. If you are not friends with your neighbors - all it takes is a wave as you are passing by or a simple smile to generate the closeness of a community.  

• I have had visits from friends from years ago stop by to spend some time with me and eat lunch together, laugh and reminisce.  The time spent together is a new start to old friendships.  (Why do we allow time get in the way of ordinary life that causes you to lose touch with each other?  Not fair.  I know that I am the Worlds Worst at being the one to initiate communication after time has passed so please forgive me.).  

• Family members that I do not have the opportunity to see that often even made a 3+ hour drive over to see me - Lorri, Austyn, Daniel, baby Lenox.  My dad who is a pilot and lives in a different country was home on vacation  - drove over to see me as well.  What a special time with special family!! I know that they could not be here while I was in the hospital, but I know without a doubt - all of them were with me in heart. Treasure your family and stay in touch no matter the distance!  Life is too short.......

There are so many other blessings I have received whether it is a text, unexpected phone call, e-mail, FB post, card, flowers, food, driving me to the store or an appointment  - whatever!!  I have some pretty special people in my life.... too many names to mention.  Never fails - there is always a different person who blesses me throughout my day and keeps a smile on my face!!  

From the bottom of my heart - to my family and friends - I THANK YOU and I am SO GRATEFUL!  

One month today...

It has been one month today (four Tuesdays ago) since my craniotomy to remove the ugly meningioma from the surface of my brain.  The month has gone by so fast.

Again - time stops for no one, but that is a good thing because with each passing day - I am one day closer to being back to normal (my new normal). I hope to come out of this a different person....a person full of patience, grace, forgiveness, kindness, love, joy, goodness, gentleness, self-control.......

I think the reality of all of this has finally set in, but I am reminded that the outcome could have been so much worse.  I am thankful that the tumor is benign and that there were no complications with the procedure.  I was standing in the shower the other day and it just hit me out of no where..... I broke down and just wanted the water to wash away every remaining cell of the tumor that is wrapped around the vein.  I don't want to have to deal with this again in January.

I was asked the other day about how this experience at the age of 41 and knowing what my mom went through when she was 41 (she was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 39 and passed away two days after her 41st birthday) affected me .......it does.  Have I thought about it?  Oh yeah. Did I think about it while I was in the hospital going into surgery? Oh yeah.  I know she was with me...... I know she was!

she had to send the fly to make sure everything  was done RIGHT!!  LOL! 

I try to take it one day at a time....but that is hard.  I am trying to learn a lesson from all of this as I know that there is a silver lining somewhere in this cloud of darkness.  

Until then - I will keep my chin up, put on my big girl panties, expect that there are going to be moments of weakness, deal with the daily tremors & memory loss  - and just wait for this to pass.  There are so many other people who have it worse.  I don't even feel like I have a right to complain or struggle with this.....

I am not a drama queen and I am definitely not one that likes to draw attention to myself.  I do not blog for attention. I actually feel better after I blog.  Not only is it conditioning for my brain function, but therapeutic from an emotional standpoint as well.   In my online research of brain tumor support groups and brain tumor awareness in general - I am baffled at the lack of groups available on the internet. I hope to change this.

I am thankful for the support of family and friends.  Mark, Jake and Josh have had to deal with the brunt of my infirmity and I am grateful.

Continued.....warning - gross pics included...

Wednesday  10/19/11 =   First full day in ICU.  Family and friends who stayed throughout my surgery on Tuesday gathered in my ICU room after I was wheeled in and set up for company.  Eric, my nurse, allowed everyone to come in at once for a quick visit.  I have no recollection of seeing anyone.....this bothers me.  They all knew that I was going to be okay after Mark asked me if I knew about the "fly".  I said "oh that damn fly"!!  I guess I made everyone laugh.

Details are foggy, but I do remember receiving phone calls from friends and a few of my employees.  It was also nice to see some friends that I had not seen in a very long time.  No complaints while in ICU  - they managed my pain and took very good care of me.

My insomnia kicked in at this point.  I was wide awake all throughout the night. I don't even recall sleeping..... despite having pain medication via IV.

I had a huge plastic patch/bandage on the top of my head covering the incision and the huge bald spot where they shaved my head.......dreading the moment it had to be ripped off being that the majority of it was attached to hair that is down to the middle of my back!!  OUCH!!!!

(sorry if the below picture grosses you out!!)  

now that right there is n~a~s~t~y!

Major bed head!!  I had just had my highlights done too.....now that I only have half a head of hair - do I get a discount??  LOL!

Uneventful day - doing good.  MRI after the surgery looked good. A partial piece of the ugly tumor still remains wrapped around the vein.  It was just too risky to remove.


Thursday  10/20/11 = Second day of ICU - actually only a half day.  Still no sleep. My two nurses in ICU were fantastic.  I was moved out of ICU to a private room back on the neurology floor around 12:30pm.

A physical therapist stopped by to see how I was getting along and wanted to assess my condition.  He had me walking around the entire floor.  He said that I was doing really good.....surprised him actually.   If he only knew how shaky I was on the inside.  My balance was better than expected, but I had tremors like crazy.  They are tremors that are not really visible unless you look closely.....if I am really tired - then you can really see them.   I guess the messages from my brain to my muscles and nerve endings were in freak-mode.  To be up walking around a day and a half after brain surgery is just amazing.  I am reminded of the prayers and thoughts that were sent my way!!  THANK YOU!!!!

Quiet day other than the old man "Walter" across the hall from me who would holler "HELP" every two minutes. The nurses kept his door shut since he was so loud and belligerent. (um, excuse me but this insomniac could still hear him....he needed a muzzle!!) .  I had some visitors and think I managed to nap on and off.

Friday 10/21/11 =   My germaphobe~insomniac self was ready to go home by this point...... tired of the hospital, the vital checks, the pokes from the lab blood suckers, the beeps and alarms, the hall chatter....(I really was a good patient - I promise!).

Had several visitors who made me laugh and smile....helped me get my mind off of everything as I don't think the reality of it all had settled in yet.

I recall asking for something to help me sleep that night (or else they would have to move me to the nut floor) .....not so!  Restoril did not do anything!  Every time the nurses would walk by my room that night they would say "you are still up".  They felt so bad for me.  I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing on TV worth watching in the middle of the night....shoot - same goes for middle of the day as well.    I am not fond of watching television.  I wanted to get up and clean, I wanted to go downstairs and get a cup of coffee..... I was going crazy.

Saturday  10/22/11 =   HOMEBOUND!!  Yahoo!  We had my bags packed and I was ready to go.....then had to wait for the poor nurse to prepare all of the paperwork.  It seems that this process could be made a little easier for the nurses.

One of the neurologists who was on call came by to discharge me and to literally rip the bandage off of my bald spot...... the moment I was dreading......um - ok dude that hurt.  We had a few questions about my medications..... he said that "he did not get paid enough $$$ to answer the question".  Dude - are you serious!?!?!? WOW.

Mark counted 40 staples in my head.  40!  OMG!  (I must say though..... I think the neurosurgeon actually gave me a little bit of a brow lift without knowing it!!)

that's going to leave a mark.....they could have at least washed my hair for me! 

I had not been outside, smelled fresh air or felt the beautiful sunshine for a week!  There were so many posts on Facebook from everyone talking about the cold snap that arrived. I could not wait to feel it


Finally....... I was wheeled out in a wheelchair at noon'ish.  I could feel the chilly breeze.  The sun felt wonderful!  I did not even mind it being a little chilly.  I loved hearing the birds chirping.  What a nice feeling.  Although....it really makes you realize that time stops for no one - not one second.  Life goes on.

I felt weird being outside though.  I guess the pressure that I was feeling in my brain was pressing on my vision.  Everything looked like it was pressed down.

Oh - I could not wait to get home to see my family, friends, neighbors and my dog. Sleep in my bed, put my head on my pillow, take a shower....but oh boy - I had no idea of the surprise that was awaiting me.......

While I was in the hospital - my family was working on two rooms in my house.  the living room and the master bedroom.  New paint (which I LOVE the colors), installed new carpet, installed chair rail, installed new blinds, painted the crown molding, new quilted bedspread, new lamps, new ceiling fan.....you name it!  Love and kindness was in every detail!!!  I was shocked!  I don't think I could talk for the crying.

It was an amazing homecoming!!!   I have a very generous family.  The outpouring of love was amazing.


Again - I am blessed beyond measure!!!

Much love to everyone who thought of me and prayed for me while I was in the hospital.  What a week!!!

The blessings do not end here....... to be continued....

:o)

a brain tumor - seriously?!?!?

So - just a little over two weeks ago I had unexpected brain surgery for an unexpected brain tumor (meningioma) that was found after suffering an unexpected seizure.  Me?  seizure?.... brain tumor?  ..... brain surgery?..... seriously?!?!?  No way?!?!? can you tell this was unexpected......

This all came about as a total surprise.  I had been having tremors in my hands, fluttering sensation in my eyes, blurred vision and migraines for the last six months to twelve months.  No medication in the world would touch the migraine - except NyQuil. One symptom that I was having that I had no idea was related to anything was the strong smell of cigarette smoke - around me, on me, in my hair....everywhere.  I felt that I reeked of cigarette smoke and I am not around anyone that smokes - ever. (after researching women with history of a brain tumor - this is one thing several of them mentioned......if I had only known!)    I thought all of my symptoms were just stress related as I have a very demanding job - even though I work from home (it is not all it is cracked up to be!).

My primary doctor wanted to send me to a neurologist.....I said lets wait another three months and if it is still happening - I will go.  He thought my symptoms were related to a vitamin D deficiency, which I am taking 100,000 units a week....yes 100,000!  I was to have another vitamin D check in January 2012 so that is what I was waiting for.....

Well.....my body decided it could not go another three months.... the tumor needed to make itself  known and boy did it ever!!  

HarleyDavid - my shadow!

Saturday 10/15/11 =   I was resting around 4:30pm because I had a headache and wanted to prevent it from progressing into a full blown migraine. My dog, Harley, was by my side and he is very protective of me.  Out of the blue, he walked up to my face and just started sniffing around my nose and mouth....then started licking my cheeks.  He knows I do not like that, but he was persistent.  It was odd and I asked him what was up.....it was just really weird.  I do believe without a doubt that Harley had a feeling that something was not right with momma.  He tried his best to alert me, but since I do not speak "dog" - I did not know what he was trying to tell me.

About 6:00pm - I went out with my brother to a very nice dinner at Outback Steakhouse.  Everything was wonderful - food, service, just a great time....just me and my brother.  I had a little bit of a headache, but that was normal.  My brother came back to my house after dinner and we just sat and talked, which we rarely have time to do together - just the two of us.  My brother left about 8:30pm to go home to watch the World Series between the Tigers and Rangers.....which I find out later that I missed a good game.  The final score was Tigers 5 - Rangers 15....more on this later.

My headache started to progress so I knew I might be in for it.  I took some NyQuil (unable to swallow pills...but I can now!) and laid down - ready to call it a night.  My family was not home.....My oldest son was in Orlando with friends at a paintball tournament and my husband & youngest son were at the "VanWilson" benefit concert in St. Pete rocking out to the family band of Paul, Mark and Patrick Wilson.

I received a text from my brother about 9:30pm telling me that someone had just knocked on his door and took off running.  I responded and that is the last thing I remember......until I woke up.... outside on my front breezeway/patio..... "why was I outside?" I asked myself.  I started to panic as I was totally confused.  I could not see anything....not sure how I found my way back inside.  Next I remember I was calling my husband.....I do not even remember dialing him, but I must have known that I needed help.  I asked him where he was and said that I did not know where anyone was - including myself.  He heard the frantic tone in my voice.  I was not making any sense at all.  He had Jake call me to keep me on the phone while he called my dad  to ask him to come over to see if I was okay.  My son who was on the phone with me said that I quit responding to him and in the meantime - I am roaming around on the floor and the house with not even a clue where I am.  I don't even know how I managed to get dressed.  

Since I quit responding on the phone - my husband called 911 immediately while driving 80mph home from downtown St. Pete. Thank God that my dad lives only two miles away so he was here in no time....followed by my step-mom  (she was just about to get into the tub to enjoy a relaxing bath...sorry Annabanana  :o)  ).  Bill and Ann knew that something serious was happening with me.  It was not an overdose of NyQuil or a medication contraindication.  I have taken NyQuil (just a sip - not a full dose) for years since I am unable to swallow pills.....

It is all a big blur.....the paramedics, throwing up, the drive to the hospital, getting set up in the ER.....vaguely remember any of that.  Once the doctor came in to assess my condition - she noticed that I had bite marks on the sides of my tongue.  This definitely confirmed that I had suffered a seizure.  I have no memory of it whatsoever. My tongue was swollen by this time.  I also had bite marks on my lip.  

I remember Ann and Trish (my step-sister) coming to the ER to see me.  (*** I don't believe in step-so&so...family is family and they all mean the world to me!!***). I was then sent for a CT scan and a chest x-ray.  The CT scan did in fact reveal a brain tumor the circumference of a golf ball.  The tumor was located on the top of my head on the medial aspect shifted to the left.  This explains why all of my symptoms were mostly felt on my right side. Ann was in the room when the doctor came in to tell us the bad news.....brain tumor.  She said that I took it like a trooper....she was waiting for me to react and I didn't.  I guess I was still in some state of shock from the seizure.

I had to be transferred to a different campus since there was not a neurology floor where I was.

GET READY TO LAUGH.......I do remember asking the paramedic that was going to be with me in the back of the ambulance if I could keep my phone. He said yes.  While on the way - I asked him if he knew what the score was to the game.  He said "what game"?  I said "the baseball game" (like seriously dude - what else is there?!?!?  I am sure he saw my eyes roll!!).  He said "no" so I proceeded to look it up on my phone (Sportacular app).  By this time - he had to have sensed that I was a major fan of baseball - I guess that is all I was talking about. He then asked me if I was a Rays fan.  I was like "dude - of course!! Are you?"  He then said "you don't want to know what I am then"......I had a feeling.  I said  - "you are one of those damn yankees!!!"  He said "no" (laughing).  I was like "OMG - even worse - you are a Red Sox fan?!?!" He admitted to it and said that he was not even from Boston. He did not even know why he was a Boston fan....it is just what his family was.  (NO OFFENSE ANYONE!!)

I tried to convert him to the RaysNation right there in the back of the ambulance.....not sure I got him though.  He was a true Boston fan.  Here I am - talking about our Rays and baseball when  I should be worried about what is going to happen to me when I get to the hospital......

(I thought this was funny so I had to mention.  I do not remember anything else about the ride to the hospital other than this conversation. I can't recall getting to the hospital - getting to my room or anything.  Can't even remember telling the kind paramedics good bye....hope I wasn't rude.  I was not even under the influence of hospital medications at this point....)

<3 I LOVE the TB Rays!!  <3

I got settled into a nice private room.  Had the best of the best nurses and tried to get as comfortable as I could.  Here I am....41 years old.....I have never been hospitalized except for two c-sections (piece of cake!) when I was blessed with my boys.

Sunday 10/16/11 = Phone calls had been made, family and friends started to arrive.  Texts, e-mails, flowers, cards, gum, candy, chocolate peanuts, swiss rolls.... I was flooded with all of my favorites.  I was informed that the neurosurgeon who I was assigned to was the best there is.  I had a MRI to reveal the monstrous tumor and its ugliness.   Don't really remember a lot.....

Monday 10/17/11 = spent the day surrounded by friends and family.....still not knowing what to expect.    Neurosurgeon made a visit to confirm the brain tumor.  He stated that it was definitely a meningioma.  90% of meningiomas are benign so this kind of made us feel better.....although, the 10% chance of malignancy did scare me!!!   He was also able to confirm that the tumor was wrapped around a vein, which is probably what caused me to have the seizure.  With the tumor involving the vein - this complicated the removal, but he was confident that he would be able to remove as much of the tumor as possible.

At this point - I knew I had hundreds if not thousands of people praying for me..... people I did not even know.  The neurosurgeon said that he would get the surgery scheduled for later on in the week.  I was like "what?!? I am here - lets get this thing out!!"  The excellent doctor that he is said - "OK - I will cancel all of my clinic visits for Tuesday and we will do it then!"  This man cancelled all of his patients for an entire day.  I work in the medical field..... I know what this entails!! It is NOT an easy task!!   I was amazed.  So - we sit and wait for what Tuesday is to bring forth.

A nurse gave me a spa mineral bath that evening....(I must say that a hospital's version of a spa mineral bath and my version of a spa mineral bath are two different things! she quickly scrubbed me with this little brush....not sure where the "minerals" came from....maybe they said that just to help me feel better.)

After two Ativan (that I had taken for two different MRIs since I have major claustrophobia) and a Restoril that was given to me to help me sleep that night - I slept like a itty bitty baby.....I slept for six hours straight.  I do not ever remember being able to do that.   A blood sucker from the lab came in in the middle of the night to draw my blood and I did not even wake up. They tried to wake me numerous times.....she drew my blood and left - me not a clue she had even been there poking on my arms and hands.   I am not one to take medication so anything I do take - it does not take much!! ....honestly - I can't even swallow a pill, but I had to learn real quick!!

Tuesday 10/18/11 = THE DAY OF SURGERY.  I had so many visitors.....friends and family that I had not seen in a very long time.  The very first visitor of the day was Bill.  I woke up right at 7:00am  - opened my eyes and he had been sitting there watching me sleep. Poor thing did not want to wake me up.   My cousin Robbie and his wife from Daytona stopped by to see me on their way home from St. Pete.  I had not seen him in such a long time.  So many people very dear to me were there....waiting, waiting, and waiting.  Again - I can remember hearing everyone, but I do not have a visual memory of anyone. I do remember the prayers of my cousin and a dear friend Jack as everyone gathered around my bed.....I was touched and felt an overwhelming peace. 

The reality of all that had transpired and what was getting ready to happen truly had not hit me yet......no clue what to expect. I was about to have a craniotomy! The crown area of the top of my head was getting ready to be shaved, scalp cut and peeled back, skull drilled and cut away - brain exposed so the tumor could be dissected while meticulously avoiding the vein the tumor was wrapped around.....seriously.... a brain tumor?!?  me?!?!?  wow....

I do remember having a moment of weakness and telling my family if something was to go wrong with the surgery - that I did NOT want a tube down my throat while I was awake.....I did not want to be on life support if that was necessary.  Just let me go..... :o(  (sad to think I said this).  Some of my greatest fears..... life support, being trapped in a fire and drowning.  

I was taken down to the OR on time. I do not even remember getting out of bed to transfer to the OR gurney......

My surgery was supposed to start at 12:30pm.......little did anyone know what was actually happening in the OR. I was already put under general anesthesia and the neurosurgeon was ready to start the incision when one of the nurses noticed a FLY flying around the operating room.  A F-L-Y,  yes a fly. They tried to catch the fly and to no avail - that little sucker was not to be caught so they decided to move me to a different room.  All of the instruments had to be changed as well.  The neurosurgeon came out about 2:30pm to let my family and friends know about the FLY incident (delay) and that they were almost ready to get started again.

Okay  - so Mr./Mrs. Fly - I don't know what your purpose was, but you made me laugh afterwards ..... who has ever heard of a fly in the OR?!?!?  Mom - did you send that fly?!?!?  (sounds like something she would do!)

Around 9:30pm, the neurosurgeon came out to the waiting room to let everyone know that the surgery was a success and that he was able to remove more of the tumor than he had originally thought.  He did have to leave some of the tumor as it was too risky with the vein being involved.  He used a new piece of equipment that was MRI guided.  Technology today is absolutely amazing.  

After spending some time in recovery - I was then moved to ICU and all of my family and friends still hanging out were able to come in and see me.  I think this was close to 12:30am.  They were not leaving until they knew that I was ok.  WHAT A LONG DAY!!  The surgery was only supposed to take four hours...... almost nine hours later - I was tumor free (except for what he had to leave)...with 40 staples in the shape of a backwards C on the top of my head.

Mark did such a good job of keeping everyone informed of my condition through e-mails, texts, phone calls and Facebook.  He was one busy man during this time.  I am sure that everyone reached out to him as well as this had to take a toll on him.  I was in LaLa Land the next few days.....morphine and percocet....

I was touched to the core with the phone calls, texts, FB posts, messages, cards, flowers, visitors, family, friends.....you name it.  I am one BLESSED girl!!

to be continued.....Wednesday 10/19/11 stay tuned....gross pictures to follow...


if you have read this far - God bless you.  I have always wanted to have a blog and it is now my intent to bring awareness to meningiomas.  I am a survivor and will beat this thing again if it decides to show its ugly face again......